marot's a winner!

our dear little marot was quite shocked yesterday when upon check-in she was named "Guest of the Day". we're not really sure what that means or how she earned it, but its cool. oh, and don't think we didn't have to knock her off her pedestal a couple of times when she let it go to her head.

henry

for no reason other than he's adorable.

cleaning house

josh has taken me on many adventures over the past week.....landing our car in a ditch, hanging out in seedy diners, magical pools, and even urban nightclubs. but nothing will top last night when he introduced me to bertha, the wonderfully round woman who gave me my first colon hydrotherapy session. i figure this post could go one of two ways...i could address it in a very crude way, which i tend to do with most things, or i could leave it to your imagination. i've chosen the latter. all i will say is i feel lighter and cleaner. thank you josh. thank you bertha.

radiation

after our fun, booze infested weekend in austin and knowing that we'll be home very soon, josh and i thought it would be a good idea to start working on getting in shape and looking awesome. with that we chose to do some yoga and face masks last night. we're even thinking about colonics before we return. happy monday!

i <3 austin

this weekend we escaped houston and went to austin. it was fabuloussss! we got there late friday night, but josh and i still managed to make it to 4 bars before last call then went back to our hotel and swam in our heated pool til 4am. yesterday josh insisted on going to the zoo. so we did. it wasn't all that easy to find, in fact for a second i thought it may not exist anymore until we finally saw this sign:

i could tell this was a big budget place. we rode the train first thing.

josh really loved it.

we saw aliens.

were stocked by peacocks.

and made a new friend. i named him henry.
he was much sweeter than the picture would have you believe. he just didn't like having his picture taken.
after the zoo we hit the town. i put on my best hipster outfit and we took downtown austin by storm! we drank, we bar hopped and we danced our asses off. well, until our dance moves got us laughed at. we're white. deal with it. whatever. i still heart austin!

ditch it!

so last night it rained. HARD. but by later in the evening it turned to a steady drizzle instead of downpour. josh convinced us to go explore a bit of the houston night life. whoo-hoo! it seemed like fun. we head out. we take a bit of a wrong turn, but find our way. we see it. its THE spot. josh takes the right onto what appears to be road and BAM! jtizzle says from the backseat, as calm as ever, "uh, that's a ditch..its..." its too late. we're IN the ditch full of water. the car is tilted quite a bit to the passenger side, my side. good thing i'm not fat. the boys start to crawl out and only in that second do i get a little nervous. "what if their weight leaving the car causes it to teeter..." i crawled out the driver's side quickly, looked at the car and started laughing. cuz imeanreally....our car was straight up stuck in a ditch. here it is:


i realize now that these pictures are a bit dark and don't really do the situation justice. but to wrap things up we got stuck at the creepiest gay bar i've ever been in. i mean, i felt uncomfortable, which is never a good sign. we waited for a tow truck that never showed up. ditched the creepy gay bar for a creepy diner where these hideous photos took place:

who needs a scanner? not us i'll tell you!
OH....and the best part? we went back with a tow truck the next morning to get the car and guess what? gone. that's right. someone stole our car out of a ditch. just when i was starting to actually dig houston....blob.

helloooo houston!

so we're here. i got my pimp wagon today (i'll post pictures at a later date), we went to dinner, which mainly consisted of giant margaritas, walked through a mall that was closed, and ended up at a place called bronx bar. as soon as we walk in they're blasting salt 'n peppa's "push it". genius. from there it went to "back that ass up" and "i like big butts". AMAAAAAZING!!! i taught the boys how to play Big Buck Hunter Pro, which neither of them were very good at....

well, i take that back, jtizzle got it at the end.

joshy however, not so much.

but he did look really hot holding that gun.
on the walk back though we learned two things:
1) you can't by beer in a store after midnight. boo! but lesson learned. tomorrow we stock up.
2) texans make the best shirts EVER:

hallz of famezzzzz

so yesterday we went to the pro football hall of fame! yes, we're dorks. shut up. upon arrival we noticed lots of miniature humans in weird outfits. my first thought was "isn't halloween still coming up?" turns out we had arrived on family day. great. lots of little hannah montana's to get underfoot.

the hall of fame was cool. i mean....yeah. whatevs. but what was better was the petting zoo outside!

d tried to feed the lamas, but they weren't having it.

oh, then there was a dead donkey. which in my opinion could have been quite traumatizing to the munchkins that were there, but no one seemed to notice.

whatevs. we decided against the amish wagon ride, but instead i thought i'd climb the wall. mainly because there was a sign that said i wasn't supposed to.

so today we went to the rock 'n roll hall of fame. whoo-hoo! it was grand! we weren't allowed to take pictures inside, so here's us hungover on our way in:

Dallas... enough said.

shopping!

so we had to shop today. A LOT. mainly online in our stuffy hotel room, but we got out for a little while tonight and it was grand! we went to home depot to take pictures of a chandelier (we're not going to show it to you) that we're trying to convince jeffrey to buy. we then ended up at wal-mart. not just any wal-mart. the wal-mart to end all wal-marts. big d still needs a halloween costume so we sidetracked from work for a moment to take a look.
pimp?

nah....
monster pimp?

i think we might be on to something...
but what about a cowboy?

no! monster pimp it is!

on the way home we saw the most amaaaazing place ever:

mr chicken! mr chicken! we couldn't decide what we loved more, mr. chicken or the '77 corvette pulling out of the driveway.

tomorrow its off to the pro football hall of fame! whoo-hoo! shut up. more about that later.

photobooth whiskey

so being in a hotel room in cleveland, ohio tends to lend itself to excessive drinking. what.

galaga and glynis

so tonight we did laundry! well, i did laundry. WE played galaga. we also broke galaga and tried to get a picture, but it didn't really work out. here instead are photos pre-galaga meltdown:


after laundry, galaga, and the debate we got into some glynis. glynis is the shit! big d was not impressed, but glynis owns my heart. i think d's just jealous that she's not a 3.

coffee and wieners

so yesterday we took little devil through the streets of cleveland looking for sinks. we realized we needed coffee. BADLY. as we're driving big d mentions how awesome it would be to have a hot dog and a coffee and BLAM! there it was. the convenient store from heaven. a place where we were able to get not just any hot dog and coffee, but a polish boy. a masterpiece made of polish sausage, seasoned fries and bbq sauce. oh, and by "we" i mean big d, i don't eat that shit. and by "shit" i mean the polish boy that big d now loving refers to as the "sloppy asshole". behold its glory:

pasta! pasta!

so after our adventure at bahama breeze last night we decided to cook the pasta that was given to us upon check in here at the lovely residence inn. that required a trip to the store for cheese and beer. ya know? the essentials. giant eagle really takes their cheeses seriously, just look at this decadent brie display:

we didn't buy it. we chose to keep it simple and just stick with bel gioso parmesan cheese. deeelish! oh, and the beer of course. lots of it. maybe too much really....but whatevs. we couldn't find whiskey. the contents of my frig make me feel like i haven't left home:

hey, we wanted variety. don't judge. finally, behold our lovely dinner:
yes, that's the game on in the background. shut up.

goodnight cleveland

'nuff said.

little devil

so we've arrived in cleveland. hurray!!! we picked up this sweet ride. her name is little devil.

our first stop? bahama breeze because surely cleveland knows EVERYTHING there is to know about the bahamas and their breezes...

we ordered some girly drinks cuz, well, why not?

turns out that first of all they weren't as pretty in person as in the picture, although nicole m. swore had she known we were taking pictures she would have put more effort into them. whatevs. mine was great! big d's not so much....



thank you bahama breeze.